hm..

Well, I have gone back and forth for months now about writing something about this, because if I don't write it exactly right, its going to come off wrong and people are going to get angry with me, which is not my intention. So, I'm going to go ahead, and attempt to write this exactly right...lol.

I am sick and tired, of not being treated the way I feel I should be treated a lot of the time. Ok, and that may have come off wrong, so let me explain.

If you have siblings, you know how when you are younger and growing up, you get into fights a lot about this or that, or do things purposefully to make your other sibling angry...I mean, generic kid stuff. It happens. But, doesn't it have to come to a point, at some time, when those things change? When its NOT ok to keep doing that? Or, am I supposed to just take it, just because its my sister? I mean, of course its not all of the time. Sometimes shes great, helps watch Cole like she did last night when I had a concert, or if I have a doctor's appointment that I can't bring him with me to. But, what I am not ok with, is when she is in a bad mood, for her to feel that it is OK to take that bad mood out of me. How sometimes, she will storm through the room, completely ignoring me while I'm with Cole. I can ask her a question and she can just keep on walking. Now, right now Cole is too young to understand, but what is he going to think in like a year? I also do not appreciate hearing lies, and hearing fake sympathy for others. The type of person who causes issues, but then does everything they can to forget about the bad things they have done, because if they keep thinking about the bad things they keep doing they feel really bad, but never address what makes them do those bad things, and in turn, don't apologize or let themselves even feel remorse for them.

I don't like turning into the bad person, because I ask, after not asking for 3 days, for my sister to clean up the piles of dishes of hers in the kitchen. I don't think that should turn me into the bad guy, especially when I am going out of my way to try to sound upbeat and un-naggy.

Also, I would so much rather be told, 'i'm in a bad mood and I don't want to talk' or 'I don't want to tell you', instead of being lied to and/or ignored.

My mom does not want to be in the middle of all of this, but, she puts herself there. And I'm not sure why, because the whole time she does it, she says she doesn't want to. And, because (and we all know this) my sister tends to only tell half of the story about anything, and because of course my mom doesn't not have all of the info, I get the a lot of her coming to me jumping to conclusions without all of the facts. I have brought this up to her, saying that it hurts me, and yet it still seems to happen. Frequently.

I'm not exactly sure what I am supposed to do now. But, honestly, I'm sick of feeling hurt a lot.

Recently, I put up a facebook status talking about being sick of being lied to. I had overheard my mother ask my sister if some guy was not a good guy, and that was it. I asked my mom what that was about, concerned, and she immediately got defensive and told me it was not her place and to ask her myself. So, I did. My sister tried to act like she had no idea what I was talking about...and then kept walking out of the room mostly ignoring me completely. If she had just said she didn't want to tell me about it, fine...its the way she goes about it...like the way she always does, that bothers me. Hence, my facebook status.

But, I end up getting a message from my mother telling me how its out of line, and completely defensive.

I end up having to clarify a facebook status!

Then she says she doesn't want to be in the middle of it.

The middle of what? You don't? Then why did I get this message.

This is just the same cycle that keeps happening....about every tiny little thing.

I don't want to act childish and say 'no, i'm not talking to my sister any more'....but honestly, I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I want respect, and if I don't get respect, I don't want to keep dealing with someone who can continuously be rude to me, and I don't want to put up with it any more. And, every time I stick up for myself, in whatever way I choose to, I get reprimanded by a third party who doesn't want to be in the middle.

What do I do? Any suggestions welcome...