Random 3:30am-ness

Strange night, I'm not exactly sure whats going on here...lol.

I went to a meeting around 630pm, a group for women who had suffered domestic violence. I thought it might be really lame, but it was actually pretty cool, and I ended up being the youngest one in a group of about 8 people. During my drive back home, at around 8 o'clock, I started realizing something. That I am pretty lucky that I don't have to talk to my ex every single day, and that's part of why I seem so strong now, and that if he were to pop back up I would probably loose my mind. So, this is something I need to work on, and that I plan on bringing up next week.

By the time I pulled in the driveway, I was dizzy I think from it all. That, and having had a bunch of caffeine and no dinner yet. Either way, I went to lay down almost immediately. Laid in bed de-stressing and watching shows on my computer until I feel asleep probably around 11pm.

At 3:30 in the morning, I woke up coughing, and it wasn't one of those coughs where you can just fall back asleep. Not 2 minutes later, I hear stuff going on upstairs. My mom has Zoe, by dog, by the front door (which is right above the stairs from the basement) and shes barking like she sees something or someone (dog not mom just to clarify...lol). She lets her outside and she continues barking at something then seems to stop. I don't know if she chased someone or something off or what was going on. The only info I got from my mom since she was half asleep was something about a light being on in the garage, and her falling asleep. I didn't understand why she was then letting all the dogs outside at 3:30 in the morning to go to the bathroom when I swear I heard her take them out right before I had fallen asleep. I guess its something I will have to ask her later on...lol.

So, its about 5:30 now. I took a neb treatment, grabbed one of my pain pills that I have not really been needing that had been prescribed to me in the past for cough reasons, then finally found some delsum and that stuff seems to be working, finally. Right as I was about to fall back asleep, of course, baby woke up. Not crying, not upset, not fussy, just relaxed and calm. 'Wise'. I laid down next to him for a second, and he put his hand in my hand, and then he patted me on the head. For about 5 minutes I swear he wasn't an 8 month old...lol. But now hes hugging his stuffed animal dog toy music box thing and is falling back to sleep. Seriously, this kid is amazing, and I love being a mom.

Well, that was a random blog post...lol.

Cubital Tunnel Surgery

Hey everyone...

SO, I just got surgery on Tuesday morning. Its got a variety of names for it. Cubital Tunnel, Cubital Tunnel release, Ulnar Entrapment Surgery, and so on.

Really, here was the problem.

Starting when I was about 17 years old, all of a sudden, I started having a lot of what turned out to be nerve pain in my right arm, and then sometimes it would go numb. It would also swell up, and sometimes I lost complete use of my arm for 20-30 minutes at a time. I ended up having a spell of time where I couldn't even hold my bass bow properly. Then, the same issues started with my left arm. I tried sleeping with braces on my arms and that didn't help.

Over time, the pain stopped and just turned into numbness. I have some sensation but not a whole lot from my elbow, down the outside of my arm, into my hand and my pinky and half of my ring finger. But, another problem popped up because caused by this problem...my muscles started to degenerate, and I was told here was no way I would be able to continue to play music in about 10 years if I didn't get this done, and you can't wait until its really bad and expect the best recovery.

So, the way the surgery goes, is 95% of the time its an endoscopic procedure. Little camera in there, and release the tissue away from around the ulnar nerve (your 'funny bone' nerve). In my case, I was told there was a lot of scar tissue that looked to be from repetitive motion (made sense to me!). If after the surrounding tissue is removed, and it looks like things have become too lose or something else was causing the issue, they then actually move the nerve to the inside of your arm. (This is what I was DREADING was going to happen with me...luckily, it didn't).

So, the whole thing went pretty well. They drugged me so full of valium before even taking me to the OR that I guess it caused amnesia (so said the anestesiologist), and according to my mom I was awake with a big smile on my face when they wheeled me away (I don't remember a thing). The first thing I remember waking up was I had nerve pain in my hand. Which sucked, but was awesome at the same time.

So, I'm pretty banged up and bruised at the moment. That said, I also just HAD to see the stitches in my arm, so I took a look and a picture (for the brave, its posted with a warning on my 'pages' on the right hand side here). I am kind of curious about these stitches, they are like nothing I have ever seen before, and seems like its going to scar pretty bad. I mean, 3 stitches for like 2 inches is kind of strange, no?

This whole experience has also kind of made me been thinking a bit more about my future. I know I wanted to go into something to do with health care thanks to my grandfather helping me out. I was leaning towards nursing, but nursing is so varied and I didn't know which way to go with it (only knew which ways I DIDN'T want to go with it)...but I'm thinking that nursing with something to do with surgery would be pretty awesome.

Hes a Genius!

yep..thats right..cole is a genius...lol.

So, maybe all babies do this kind of thing...but to me it was pretty awesome.

A present I got for Cole was the Leap Frog Musical Table and he loves this thing.

There is a whole variety of stuff to do on it. And one of the things it has, is this little hinge with a compartment inside. The compartment is not huge, but its big enough to stick some small things in there. I took a pig from his Iplay Tractor, and put it inside the compartment.

He opened it up...took the pig out...looked at it...and then put it back in and closed the lid. He did this a couple of times in a row...then went to picking up one of the smaller green mega bloks...and i thought hey...let me stick this on in there.

I put it in...shut the lid...he opened it immediately, took it, and threw it a couple feet across the room...and went back to playing with the pig....haha.

He has also been really into sharing recently. If he has a toy he likes he will hand it to me and start laughing, and then i give it back to him. He is just such a cutie!

facebook friends

I'm starting to wonder whats going on with my facebook friends. Now...I have a huge friends list....and its not just all random people (I will admit, there are probably about 5 or so). All of these friends are from either school where I grew up (large district with two high schools), or the boarding school I went to in Michigan (where you get to know everyone since you live together) Or people from the college I went to, or other colleges in the same city. From music festivals. From when I lived in North Carolina for 3 years. And a great group of women from a due in april 2010 mom group.

Now yea, some of these people were just added because we knew each others name and never really talked much. Or were just friendly in, lets say, a school setting but didnt hang out outside of that.

Now, I'm all for privacy controls when it comes to facebook. If you are reading this, you probably know this about me...since I am unsearchable, and even have a fake name. But recently I am starting to wonder something.

Why do you keep me as a friend, or add me as a friend, when in your privacy settings the visibility of the profile is the same as if we were NOT facebook friends.

This might sound like someones over the top over analyzing facebook rant, but I really am curious about it. There is no opportunity to be 'friendly' when you can't leave someone a comment. Why don't you just delete me?

Sorry, this post came about when I went to wish someone a happy birthday...and couldn't.

Dermatologist

I finally went to see a dermatologist yesterday. Finally. And, for those who don't know...here is the deal.

In 2007, I started losing my skin. By the end of 2007...I had lost about 90% of it. And yes, it was as painful and disgusting as it sounds. And, the main treatment for skin stuff like this is steroids. Unfortunately, I have a very high sensitivity to steroids. (I have asthma, and can't even take a controller medicine). I swell. It starts to make me crazy. It makes my blood sugar crazy. Really, the worst part is the swelling. 2 or 3 days worth of steroids is equal to at least 5 pounds of water weight...by the 4th day everything starts hurting because of the swelling. By the 5th day I start acting loony, and my blood sugar goes wacky.

So, because of this, and the fact that what ended up causing my skin condition in the first place was because of a white blood cell issue (eosinophils, the type of white blood cells that are produced to combat allergens, are way to prevalent in my blood stream, and malformed) I also started on oral chemotherapy, for psoriaform atopic dermatitis, with eosinophils.

That medicine made me feel like crap...my hair totally thinned out...I've had 3 teeth pulled since then, 2 more to go. 2 root canals. I never threw up on it, but always had this underlying nausea. So, in Feb of 2009 I just stopped taking the stuff. I very very slowly started showing a few symptoms...but it all went away when I got pregnant with Cole in July. Stayed completely gone until a few months after he was born.

Then it started coming back on my finger. It spread, took over my whole entire finger, and then spread to the rest of my right hand. I finally made an appointment at the dermatologists office (new one) and saw my primary care doc before I could even get in there to try to

{WARNING...DONT READ THE NEXT TWO SENTENCES IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH LIKE MY MOM...AND UM...MOM YEA THAT GOES FOR YOU...LOL}

save my nail from falling off. I had lost all the skin on my right ring finger..and this thing was spreading under my nail, swelling, and pushing my nail off.

So, again, as I said, I went to the dermatologist. I have been to a lot of doctor's offices, and I must say, this was my worst experience yet. It was bad from the phone call I made to even make the appointment. The receptionist was having a side conversation with someone else in the office while we were trying to schedule the appointment. The same person is checking me in while on her cell phone with a boyfriend or something when I go to my appointment. The nurse didn't listen to anything I had to say. "Oh, so, you are here worried about your eczema huh?" Yea...wonderful.

I'm in the room waiting, hoping that the doc isn't as bad as the rest of the office...and...she was.

She gave me the third degree from the beginning. She asks if I was using the cream she gave me, and I said no. And I was confused. What cream? Turns out I saw her back in the beginning of 2007, but I don't remember her at all....and I don't know why I would have seen her anyways when I was living in NC...but I probably had a skin infection or something is all I can gather. She asks me why, and I tell her I don't remember any cream. She asks if I still have it. ??? Random cream from 4 years ago? No.

Moving on, I tell her about my sensitivity to steroids. She doesn't believe me?

Doc "how do you know your blood sugar is low when you take steroids, I have never heard of that before, and I treat diabetics"

Me "I'm not diabetic, I'm hypoglycemic"

Doc "how do you know your blood sugar is low"

Me " I have had hypoglycemia for years"

Doc "but how do you KNOW"

Me "I have a glucose monitor"

Doc "Then what was your blood sugar when you last took the steroids"

Me "I don't know, it just felt low, I have had this for a while I can tell if its low or not without checking"

Doc "so you DONT know...when was the last time you checked it"

Me "I don't know...about 10 days ago?"

Doc "What was it then"

Me "I don't know its in the memory of meter"

She goes on, to say she wants to speak with my endocrinologist, and leaves the room. She wants to ask her about my steroids stuff and my blood sugar, because she doesn't believe me. I tell her thats fine, but really MY main concern with steroids, is the swelling factor.

She comes back, and goes on and on about how she couldn't get her on the phone....and the way she was speaking to me....seemed like she thought I was trying to pull one over on her...like...my endo doesn't really exist....and thats why she couldn't be connected to them, or given their cell phone number...and instead was put through to a voice mail...it was really strange.

She says she doesn't want to give me a steroid cream, because she wants to hear back from my endo first. (Um...did she not hear the part about me not wanting to use steroids?) She says theres another cream which might work that doesn't have steroids in it. She writes a prescription. Then she tells me "just to warn you, its a black label prescription, so I just wanted to know before you go to get it" When I ask her what that means, she says that the FDA has stated that is causes SKIN CANCER..but she doesn't agree with it, so she uses it anyways.

Skin Cancer.

If It was a doctor I trusted and liked who told me that...I might have used it anyways after doing some research on it....but this doctor is crazy and there is no way I'm taking her word for it that it won't give me cancer.

I call my primary care office, and ask for a referral to a different dermatologist. They cannot give me one, unless this doctors office releases the rest of the visits through my insurance company...and I got the impression from the receptionist, who took my phone call about needed the release sent back to the insurance company as a personal insult, that it won't be happening any time soon.

I guess having skin on my hand isn't very important to these people huh.