I know that this is my second post of the day about Cole and doctors..but what this woman said to me, just shocked me! Where to start...ok...so about three times since I have left the hospital, I have had phone calls from the hospital calling to check up on us, seeing if we had any questions, and saying to call them any time if I ever had any. So, for the first night, I called them to ask a question. I went to change his diaper around 1030pm, and it looked different....it was mucusy...brown and pink..some yellow and some green. I didn't know if he had little bits of blood in his diaper or not! So, I thought I would call and ask if this is something 'normal' (since its not black blood or anything), or, if this is just a side effect from the Mylicon drops I started him on earlier today for his gas. (and let me say...you can already tell he feels MUCH better already!!!). So, after being asked by 2 different people why I didn't call my pediatricians office first, I got to ask my question of if the Mylicon drops can change the consistancy and color of baby poop. She didn't know, and connected me to a doctor. I think she said she was in OB, but practicing in pediatrics (it is a teaching hospital after all). She asks me about the color and consistancy that his diapers HAD been....which I had assumed that during his appointment today at the doctor's office...that the little bit of change and color in them could be because I should stop eating dairy. She HEARD how gassy he was during the appointment as well, and this is why she told me that I could try these drops...she just didn't give me any instructions on how I should use them. So, when talking to this doctor over the phone at the hospital, she tells me she doesn't understand why my office would have recommended this medication...because his poopy diapers sounded like they are fine. I wasn't so worried about his diapers anyways..it was his gas..and its what it says its for on the box anyways! FOR GAS...not for the other stuff coming out of his butt...lol. She tells me, that it sounds like he is colicy, because I overfeed him...because I feed him on demand. I didn't even tell her that he was bottle fed, I just said I breast fed. She still insisted that you could OVERFEED A BREAST FED BABY. I disagree with this. I know that you can overfeed with a bottle, but I am pretty careful with that. She tells me, that babies who are fed on a schedule, are never colicy, and if i feed him on a schedule, he won't be as gassy, and he won't need the medicine. BUT, if I choose to still give him the medicine, only give it to him once a day...and not at every feeding. (The directions say you can use it as necessary..not to exceed 12 times a day).
Really now, how do you put a one month old baby on a schedule? Honestly? He wakes up and eats....and then if hes still hungry within the next two hours...you say NNOO BABY...NO FOOD FOR YOU!...yep..keep crying!...alright...now ya only got 120 minutes to go and I can feed you some more....
Insanity...
THAT, on top of being told that a one month old should be sleeping in his own room because "I don't know what noises might be waking him up because we could be hearing different things" (whatever the hell thats supposed to mean?!). So THATS my advice from doctors today? Take my one month old, feed him, don't let him stay awake for more than an hour and a half at a time (because yea..i have control over that?!)...and make him sleep in his own room. And if he doesn't follow my schedule..just ignore him? Let him keep crying? A ONE MONTH OLD?? How could you do that to your own child?? Really??
I mean, there are some things that are not IDEAL for me at the moment when it comes to how and when and where he sleeps and eats...but its ideal for HIM and I think thats what matters right now. He LOVES to fall asleep when hes resting on me on his tummy...and yes sometimes..he won't stay asleep if I try to put him down...and sometimes...that gets pretty hard when you are so tired you are about to pass out. Just like him waking up a million times a night SOME nights gets hard..when you are tired. But, if I was to follow all of these peoples advice...its seems I'm supposed to do everything for my comfort...and none for his. So what...I hear him cry..in some other room..and ignore him..because hes not on the 'schedule' for anything to happen yet.
Why can't the lactation consultants be doctors...where their only concern was if hes gaining weight, and has a certain number of diapers a day..hes FINE and no need to worry!
Katharine & Cole
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Lost the battle?
I feel like I have lost a battle today, and Cole is going to suffer for it. It breaks my heart. My little man is in pain, and I don't know what I can do about it!
When Cole was just a couple of days old, he had this huge projectile vomit across the room. I didn't worry about it when I saw it, because of all the the times my mother has told me that I used to do that growing up...ALL THE TIME. Our family doctor seemed more concerned about it than I did, and told me to call back and come in again if he did it again. He did, two days later, so I took him in. I had noticed that he sounded kind of raspy as well, and kind of acted like he didn't feel well. She checked his lungs and said he sounded fine. It wasn't until after I got home that I could really place that raspy sound....it kind of sounded like when he cried, he was losing his voice. But, he was perfectly happy in the doctor's office...and she told me he wasn't raspy (nurse practitioner)...and completely dismissed me.
Today, I saw a different nurse practitioner....and was worried I would not be taken seriously. He has only projectile vomited about 5 times...but the amount of spit up sometimes is CRAZY. Sometimes its just milk..sometimes its seperated old milk. His eating habits have changed to. Sometimes he is hungry but doesn't want to eat...other times...he keeps on eating tiny little amounts very often. His hiccups amount has increased...to at least 4 times a day..and he does not look happy about it. Its happening when he isn't done eating yet. He started gagging and coughing while eating this week....and he is just obviously in pain. I feel like the reflux part was totally dismissed....but she listed to the gas part...only because she heard so much of it in the appointment. For the gas, I'm trying the drops...and also cutting out dairy. I couldn't even handle dairy until I was a teenager...and if I had an allergy its possible he does...so maybe this will help. What was also insane, is that she told me that at 1 month, he should be sleeping in his own room. I understand some people do that...but that is NOT for me! She tried to tell me how it was better for my health and his. That we would both sleep better. NOT TRUE. I just kept telling her no...lol. Good thing i didn't tell her I co-sleep 3/4 of the time...she probably would have called CPS!
Both this nurse practitioner and the other I saw..seem OVERLY concerned with the fact that I am a single mother I think. They try to stress over and over again, how its important for me to get some time to myself without Cole. I told her I am fine...and she didn't believe me. I don't want to go out without Cole...I miss him when I do. I mean, there are a few things this summer I would like to do that can't involve a baby...but those are very few things. (For example, they have these awesome and cheap steak dinners at this bar in town....I wouldn't want to have him near all of the cig smoke). If I feel like I'm gonna loose my mind, there are people I could ask to watch him. But...if I don't feel the need...why do it? Yes, there are sometimes where I think...wow...this would be CAKE if there was a dad involved though....and really thats in the middle of the night when I think to myself...wow...if I was married to his father (and the father was someone NICE that didn't beat on people)...and once every few days he woke up at one of the times at night when Cole was hungry...that would just be wonderful. Thats all I would need. lol. I'm really feeling the lack of sleep now...because Cole doesn't feel well! I think its crazy she was more wanting to talk about me getting out of the house, then helping me make my son feel better. (All babies cry and fuss she said).
In my head, I see it as they are not worried because he is gaining weight fine and his diaper count is awesome....but I see it as that being wonderful and all, and even if its not a SEVERE case of reflux...its still reflux...and it still makes him very uncomfortable! So, I'm at a loss...and feel like I lost for him today. I know that when we see his doctor she will be a lot more understanding...but it pains me to think that hes going to have to put up with this for the next month....eating...spitting it up...getting hungry again...being in pain...even crying in his sleep....my poor baby...and i can't make him any better:(
When Cole was just a couple of days old, he had this huge projectile vomit across the room. I didn't worry about it when I saw it, because of all the the times my mother has told me that I used to do that growing up...ALL THE TIME. Our family doctor seemed more concerned about it than I did, and told me to call back and come in again if he did it again. He did, two days later, so I took him in. I had noticed that he sounded kind of raspy as well, and kind of acted like he didn't feel well. She checked his lungs and said he sounded fine. It wasn't until after I got home that I could really place that raspy sound....it kind of sounded like when he cried, he was losing his voice. But, he was perfectly happy in the doctor's office...and she told me he wasn't raspy (nurse practitioner)...and completely dismissed me.
Today, I saw a different nurse practitioner....and was worried I would not be taken seriously. He has only projectile vomited about 5 times...but the amount of spit up sometimes is CRAZY. Sometimes its just milk..sometimes its seperated old milk. His eating habits have changed to. Sometimes he is hungry but doesn't want to eat...other times...he keeps on eating tiny little amounts very often. His hiccups amount has increased...to at least 4 times a day..and he does not look happy about it. Its happening when he isn't done eating yet. He started gagging and coughing while eating this week....and he is just obviously in pain. I feel like the reflux part was totally dismissed....but she listed to the gas part...only because she heard so much of it in the appointment. For the gas, I'm trying the drops...and also cutting out dairy. I couldn't even handle dairy until I was a teenager...and if I had an allergy its possible he does...so maybe this will help. What was also insane, is that she told me that at 1 month, he should be sleeping in his own room. I understand some people do that...but that is NOT for me! She tried to tell me how it was better for my health and his. That we would both sleep better. NOT TRUE. I just kept telling her no...lol. Good thing i didn't tell her I co-sleep 3/4 of the time...she probably would have called CPS!
Both this nurse practitioner and the other I saw..seem OVERLY concerned with the fact that I am a single mother I think. They try to stress over and over again, how its important for me to get some time to myself without Cole. I told her I am fine...and she didn't believe me. I don't want to go out without Cole...I miss him when I do. I mean, there are a few things this summer I would like to do that can't involve a baby...but those are very few things. (For example, they have these awesome and cheap steak dinners at this bar in town....I wouldn't want to have him near all of the cig smoke). If I feel like I'm gonna loose my mind, there are people I could ask to watch him. But...if I don't feel the need...why do it? Yes, there are sometimes where I think...wow...this would be CAKE if there was a dad involved though....and really thats in the middle of the night when I think to myself...wow...if I was married to his father (and the father was someone NICE that didn't beat on people)...and once every few days he woke up at one of the times at night when Cole was hungry...that would just be wonderful. Thats all I would need. lol. I'm really feeling the lack of sleep now...because Cole doesn't feel well! I think its crazy she was more wanting to talk about me getting out of the house, then helping me make my son feel better. (All babies cry and fuss she said).
In my head, I see it as they are not worried because he is gaining weight fine and his diaper count is awesome....but I see it as that being wonderful and all, and even if its not a SEVERE case of reflux...its still reflux...and it still makes him very uncomfortable! So, I'm at a loss...and feel like I lost for him today. I know that when we see his doctor she will be a lot more understanding...but it pains me to think that hes going to have to put up with this for the next month....eating...spitting it up...getting hungry again...being in pain...even crying in his sleep....my poor baby...and i can't make him any better:(
Thursday, May 27, 2010
poor baby...
I think Cole picked up on some of the bad vibes that woke us up last night...poor baby!
Now, Cole cries of course, hes a baby, but I have always been able to soothe his cries very quickly. Hungry? That's an easy fix. Needs to burp? Another pretty quick fix for the most part. Gas? Sometimes a little longer of a fix...start off with changing positions...back massage...tummy massage..move his legs around...change some more positions...a lot of the time patting his back like you would to burp him makes him a lot calmer and it just happens naturally..lol. But, last night when we were woken up...he was a bit hungry. So, I fed him. His bottle next to me only had about 2 ounces left, and he finished it...and started to cry again. Easy enough I thought, I had another 4 ounces, already in a dr. brown's bottle in the fridge, ready to go. So, I carried him up the stairs with me, got the bottle...came back down...went to feed it to him...and he didn't want it. But, I swear his cry was his hungry cry...I was wrong. I tried everything I could think of. Even the other day, I came across something while messing around on the internet, 22 ways to soothe a crying baby. I read it...even though I didn't really have a crying baby. So..I think I tried every single one of those things last night though.
Change diaper? No help.
Change clothes? No help.
Distract baby? Helped...for about a second.
Change positions? Helped...for about a second.
Change tone of voice (was going between just soothing, or trying to distract with a really happy voice)...Helped for about 5 seconds.
Burping..he didn't have to burp...no help
Tried getting a gas bubble out? no gas...no help
Then, I set him down on the bed. And he stopped crying. I kinda stood there in shock a bit...thinking that the last two hours...maybe he would have just been ok if I set him down? About 30 seconds later though...he started crying again. He ate some more. Then, he was smiling and happy for about 15 minutes. Then...crying again. This kept up until about 6am...most of the time with me laying back in bed, and him on his tummy lying on me with me rubbing his back and talking to him.
When he was finally napping...I was afraid to move. But I was getting ssoooo tired. So, the next hour was trying to get him to sleep...and then move him without him waking up...and I had to try that a bunch of times. From about 7 til 10..i kept waking up every 30 to 45 minutes with him...he kept wanting to eat a little bit each time he woke up.
I'm so tired...I think I'm gonna try to sleep now...for as long as he lets me...poor baby:( I just wanted to make him happy.
Now, Cole cries of course, hes a baby, but I have always been able to soothe his cries very quickly. Hungry? That's an easy fix. Needs to burp? Another pretty quick fix for the most part. Gas? Sometimes a little longer of a fix...start off with changing positions...back massage...tummy massage..move his legs around...change some more positions...a lot of the time patting his back like you would to burp him makes him a lot calmer and it just happens naturally..lol. But, last night when we were woken up...he was a bit hungry. So, I fed him. His bottle next to me only had about 2 ounces left, and he finished it...and started to cry again. Easy enough I thought, I had another 4 ounces, already in a dr. brown's bottle in the fridge, ready to go. So, I carried him up the stairs with me, got the bottle...came back down...went to feed it to him...and he didn't want it. But, I swear his cry was his hungry cry...I was wrong. I tried everything I could think of. Even the other day, I came across something while messing around on the internet, 22 ways to soothe a crying baby. I read it...even though I didn't really have a crying baby. So..I think I tried every single one of those things last night though.
Change diaper? No help.
Change clothes? No help.
Distract baby? Helped...for about a second.
Change positions? Helped...for about a second.
Change tone of voice (was going between just soothing, or trying to distract with a really happy voice)...Helped for about 5 seconds.
Burping..he didn't have to burp...no help
Tried getting a gas bubble out? no gas...no help
Then, I set him down on the bed. And he stopped crying. I kinda stood there in shock a bit...thinking that the last two hours...maybe he would have just been ok if I set him down? About 30 seconds later though...he started crying again. He ate some more. Then, he was smiling and happy for about 15 minutes. Then...crying again. This kept up until about 6am...most of the time with me laying back in bed, and him on his tummy lying on me with me rubbing his back and talking to him.
When he was finally napping...I was afraid to move. But I was getting ssoooo tired. So, the next hour was trying to get him to sleep...and then move him without him waking up...and I had to try that a bunch of times. From about 7 til 10..i kept waking up every 30 to 45 minutes with him...he kept wanting to eat a little bit each time he woke up.
I'm so tired...I think I'm gonna try to sleep now...for as long as he lets me...poor baby:( I just wanted to make him happy.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sleep?
I think that the thing I miss most, is being able to sleep for a long stretch of time. I still get about 6-8 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, so I guess I cannot call myself deprived...although it really does feel like it when you keep on getting woken up. So, by the time I finally get myself awake enough to do what I need to do...the whole rest of day until I get to sleep feels like I am playing catch up...and even more so if I leave the house!
I thought I needed to write down what takes up all of my time....lol. In the last 24 hours, 45 minutes were spent JUST washing bottles. 30 minutes giving Cole a bath. 30 minutes picking up garbage/taking out the garbage/general cleaning. 20 minutes for laundry (because the washer and dryer were full of things not mine...haha). Somewhere between 3 to 4 hours of just pumping! Every 3 hours, I pump for a half an hour (sometimes a little less if Cole wakes up when I'm pumping, and I stop to feed him instead). Every 3 hours, sometimes 4, sometimes 2...Cole eats for 15-20 minutes. We always have a diaper change, sometimes two lol. Every other time...a lot of spit up happens...and clothes get changed. Sometimes he goes right back to sleep...other times he does not (and if hes awake, I don't leave him in the room to just get other stuff done, unless I really have to). I sometimes get to have a meal...but it better be quick! Scheduling a shower is very difficult as well. It seems like as soon as I pump, feed him, change him, hang out with him a little big before he falls back asleep, get some stuff done...and then I want to relax and enjoy having nothing to do for a little bit...its time to pump again..or he wakes up to eat...lol!
It is 4:45am...and there is no point in going to sleep yet. If I do, he will wake up within the next 15 minutes...and that will be even harder to wake up then. I have to plan falling asleep..for when he falls asleep.
What is really hard about leaving the house though...is it means I forget entirely about me for one of these 'cycles'. I went for a walk with Cole today. When I got back, I was hungry and thirsty...because I had not eaten for about 8 hours. But Cole was hungry, so he takes priority. I fed him the rest of one bottle...his other bottle was dirty (we are on the 5th brand of bottle now, trying to find one that doesn't make him spit up...so i don't have a lot of them yet). I also needed to pump. So, it was feed Cole, pump, clean bottles, feed Cole again..and by that time I forgot about eating...lol.
But Cole is awake now! So time to feed my little man:)
I love being a mommy...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world:)
I thought I needed to write down what takes up all of my time....lol. In the last 24 hours, 45 minutes were spent JUST washing bottles. 30 minutes giving Cole a bath. 30 minutes picking up garbage/taking out the garbage/general cleaning. 20 minutes for laundry (because the washer and dryer were full of things not mine...haha). Somewhere between 3 to 4 hours of just pumping! Every 3 hours, I pump for a half an hour (sometimes a little less if Cole wakes up when I'm pumping, and I stop to feed him instead). Every 3 hours, sometimes 4, sometimes 2...Cole eats for 15-20 minutes. We always have a diaper change, sometimes two lol. Every other time...a lot of spit up happens...and clothes get changed. Sometimes he goes right back to sleep...other times he does not (and if hes awake, I don't leave him in the room to just get other stuff done, unless I really have to). I sometimes get to have a meal...but it better be quick! Scheduling a shower is very difficult as well. It seems like as soon as I pump, feed him, change him, hang out with him a little big before he falls back asleep, get some stuff done...and then I want to relax and enjoy having nothing to do for a little bit...its time to pump again..or he wakes up to eat...lol!
It is 4:45am...and there is no point in going to sleep yet. If I do, he will wake up within the next 15 minutes...and that will be even harder to wake up then. I have to plan falling asleep..for when he falls asleep.
What is really hard about leaving the house though...is it means I forget entirely about me for one of these 'cycles'. I went for a walk with Cole today. When I got back, I was hungry and thirsty...because I had not eaten for about 8 hours. But Cole was hungry, so he takes priority. I fed him the rest of one bottle...his other bottle was dirty (we are on the 5th brand of bottle now, trying to find one that doesn't make him spit up...so i don't have a lot of them yet). I also needed to pump. So, it was feed Cole, pump, clean bottles, feed Cole again..and by that time I forgot about eating...lol.
But Cole is awake now! So time to feed my little man:)
I love being a mommy...I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world:)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
busy day!
I decided to take Cole to the mall today...hehe. There were some things that I really needed. (nursing bras for one thing..hehe). Also, a lot of my clothes got left in North Carolina during that super speedy pick up and move that happened...which was ok because I had needed maternity clothes already at that point...but now...I only have some winter clothes...and in sizes too small for me because of this massive weight gain with this pregnancy...so I needed some stuff for me. But, buying myself stuff still made me feel guilty...so I bought Cole some clothes and some little toys...which maybe he will interact with more in a few weeks (either way, they are there for him to interact with as soon as he wants to...which I think is better then waiting until some date in a book that says its good for him then, instead of now). I ended up getting home at around 6pm, after leaving at 1pm. 6pm until 130am...has been busy the entire time. Its either washing dishes, cleaning bottles and pump parts, doing laundry, getting a shower in, pumping (which about 2 hours were spent doing in this time) and feeding Cole (another 2 hours)...that right now, at 2am, I have finally eaten dinner...and know that Cole is still due for another feeding in a bit, and I'm due to pump for another half an hour before I can go to sleep (and that is, only if Cole decides to go to sleep for the night around the same time or not).
He also really surprised me today! Sometimes he likes a binkie..and today towards the end of the mall trip when i got some chicken teriyaki to chow down real quick in the food court, he was playing with it. Sucking on it...pulling it out of his mouth completely...then putting it back in his mouth...taking it out again...over and over....which is different then his normal spit it out and wait for me to put it back in thing he does when he plays with it...lol. I was so proud of him! Of course, his cordination wasn't perfect...as sometimes he was using the back of his hands to put it back in...(lol)...but it was awesome to see him really know what he was doing...his thought process is becoming more obvious. (AND he started, what I think, are real smiles yesterday!)
Also, a couple of hours ago while I was feeding him...he REALLY grabbed my hand. It wasn't just the little hold onto a finger grab he has done...he was really grabbing at it.
Its around 2am now, and hes now been WIDE awake for the past 3 hours...I'm hoping that when he goes to sleep it will be like last night and have him sleep through the night again! Hes SUCH a good baby...I love my little man:)
He also really surprised me today! Sometimes he likes a binkie..and today towards the end of the mall trip when i got some chicken teriyaki to chow down real quick in the food court, he was playing with it. Sucking on it...pulling it out of his mouth completely...then putting it back in his mouth...taking it out again...over and over....which is different then his normal spit it out and wait for me to put it back in thing he does when he plays with it...lol. I was so proud of him! Of course, his cordination wasn't perfect...as sometimes he was using the back of his hands to put it back in...(lol)...but it was awesome to see him really know what he was doing...his thought process is becoming more obvious. (AND he started, what I think, are real smiles yesterday!)
Also, a couple of hours ago while I was feeding him...he REALLY grabbed my hand. It wasn't just the little hold onto a finger grab he has done...he was really grabbing at it.
Its around 2am now, and hes now been WIDE awake for the past 3 hours...I'm hoping that when he goes to sleep it will be like last night and have him sleep through the night again! Hes SUCH a good baby...I love my little man:)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Some things just don't change!
I have an ultrasound picture of Cole on my desktop, when he was around 20 weeks. Watching him sleep yesterday...something occured to me...
I guess some things just don't change...lol
I guess some things just don't change...lol
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Cole's birth story
On April 26th, at around 5am, I felt a bit of a 'gush'. I had lost my mucus plug for the second time. Contractions were getting more regular, but not regular enough to go into the hospital yet. I just knew at that point I was in early early labor. The only thing that had me kind of freaked out, was that they were between 3 and 5 minutes apart...but just not super painful. Never having been in labor before, I made a post on cafemom (lol) about knowing when labor really starts and when I am supposed to call or go in when they are already this close together, but still very bearable. I was wondering if I was one of those lucky people whos contractions really don't hurt that much lol.
I had my 41 week appointment that day luckily, at around 11am. I was still having lots of stuff coming out...and was questioning at that point if my water had possibly broken. The nurse practitioner I saw that day..didn't really check. But, my blood pressure was kind of high (I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension 3 weeks earlier). So, they told me to head over to the hospital because of that. When I got into L & D...I started feeling more gushing with the contractions...and yep, my water had indeed broken. So, i was admitted.
Contractions kept going all day, but i was still only 1 1/2 centimeters, 70% effaced. At around 11pm, they put in the cervidil, and gave me a shot of morphine to sleep. But, of course, the morphine had the opposite effect and woke me up. On top of that, my contractions completely stopped. Around this time, in the room alone, with no pain, on morphine, and no contractions...I was making a whole bunch of random posts on facebook to kill time...haha.
When a doctor came in at 8am, they came to take out the cervidil, and couldn't find it! lol! I have no idea how long it was in there for, but that morning, there was STILL no change. We started the pitocin at around 9am, because at that point, it had now been over 24 hours since my water had broken. By 3pm, my contractions were nearly unbearable. They were STRONG. Lasting a minute, happening every two minutes...with hardly any time to recover from each one. I needed SOMETHING. It was bad. I was only at 4cm. When they kept checking me, i was still staying at only 9cm. Finally, at around 11, when it was time to make a decision on c-section or not...I was 8 1/2 and 100% effaced. But, he was still at +2. He didn't want to drop. So, there was more c-section talk. I didn't want one. They put an internal monitor on his head, and another one inside to measure the real strength of the contractions. They were jumping up to 100. It was crazy. And the epi was wearing off, so anesthesia came in and refreshed the epi for me. I finally got an hour of sleep between 1am and 2am.
When I woke up, my tailbone really hurt. I was checked, and was 10cm, fully effaced, and he was now -2. They told me it was time to start pushing! From my hips upwards the epi started to wear off...but my legs were completely numb. Man it was so painful...as they still had me on the pitocin. He was posterior, but I didn't know that at the time. Starting at about 3:30, during some of my pushing, I stopped being able to hear his heartbeat...and it being attached to his head, it wasn't because it was falling off a monitor. Then, during a whole contraction..his heart stopped. I was so freaked out...that he wasn't even fully crowned yet...and on the next contraction, I pushed so hard, he flipped and came out all in one push.
He was 8 pounds, 3 1/2 ounces. 21 1/4 inches long. Full head of hair, blue-grey eyes. Born at 3:41am on April 28th, 2010:)
I had my 41 week appointment that day luckily, at around 11am. I was still having lots of stuff coming out...and was questioning at that point if my water had possibly broken. The nurse practitioner I saw that day..didn't really check. But, my blood pressure was kind of high (I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension 3 weeks earlier). So, they told me to head over to the hospital because of that. When I got into L & D...I started feeling more gushing with the contractions...and yep, my water had indeed broken. So, i was admitted.
Contractions kept going all day, but i was still only 1 1/2 centimeters, 70% effaced. At around 11pm, they put in the cervidil, and gave me a shot of morphine to sleep. But, of course, the morphine had the opposite effect and woke me up. On top of that, my contractions completely stopped. Around this time, in the room alone, with no pain, on morphine, and no contractions...I was making a whole bunch of random posts on facebook to kill time...haha.
When a doctor came in at 8am, they came to take out the cervidil, and couldn't find it! lol! I have no idea how long it was in there for, but that morning, there was STILL no change. We started the pitocin at around 9am, because at that point, it had now been over 24 hours since my water had broken. By 3pm, my contractions were nearly unbearable. They were STRONG. Lasting a minute, happening every two minutes...with hardly any time to recover from each one. I needed SOMETHING. It was bad. I was only at 4cm. When they kept checking me, i was still staying at only 9cm. Finally, at around 11, when it was time to make a decision on c-section or not...I was 8 1/2 and 100% effaced. But, he was still at +2. He didn't want to drop. So, there was more c-section talk. I didn't want one. They put an internal monitor on his head, and another one inside to measure the real strength of the contractions. They were jumping up to 100. It was crazy. And the epi was wearing off, so anesthesia came in and refreshed the epi for me. I finally got an hour of sleep between 1am and 2am.
When I woke up, my tailbone really hurt. I was checked, and was 10cm, fully effaced, and he was now -2. They told me it was time to start pushing! From my hips upwards the epi started to wear off...but my legs were completely numb. Man it was so painful...as they still had me on the pitocin. He was posterior, but I didn't know that at the time. Starting at about 3:30, during some of my pushing, I stopped being able to hear his heartbeat...and it being attached to his head, it wasn't because it was falling off a monitor. Then, during a whole contraction..his heart stopped. I was so freaked out...that he wasn't even fully crowned yet...and on the next contraction, I pushed so hard, he flipped and came out all in one push.
He was 8 pounds, 3 1/2 ounces. 21 1/4 inches long. Full head of hair, blue-grey eyes. Born at 3:41am on April 28th, 2010:)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
In that strange 'middle group'
That is what it feels like with the way I feed Cole.
There is so much discussion everywhere about formula feeding vs breastfeeding, but I had made up my mind while I was pregnant that I was going to give breastfeeding a try, as strange as I felt about it. I mean, when I found out I was pregnant and was still with my ex, I remember one of the first things he said was that we needed to start stocking up on formula. I had always associated babies with bottles, and breasts as nothing but sexual things. But, then I did a lot of learning about the benefits of breastfeeding...and about how it gives him a chance to be so much healthier. There were also those vain reasons to breastfeed...you loose about 500 calories a day, so it helps you loose weight faster.
So, I thought that my decision to breastfeed was going to be the only hard part. But, it turns out that Cole and I had issues with it. For his first 24 hours he wouldn't latch onto anything...not even a finger...so his feedings had to be out of a little medicine cup. I had lactation consultants in my room, squeezing my breasts in every single way possible to try to get colostrum out to feed him. It was pretty crazy...but since labor had been so recent I hadn't gained my modesty back yet...lol. But, then my swelling got worse...and I couldn't get anything out. I ended up having to swear this silicon thing over my breast, with a feeding tube in it, connected to a bulb seringe filled with formula. The formula made him gassy and unhappy...and I was really happy when after I got home my milk finally came in. He WANTS to nurse, but then gets frustrated. He never gets a'meal' that way...its more like snacking...and then its almost like hes just like 'I'm done with that! Time to give me food quicker!' Its also bordering on the impossible to keep the shield in place because he keeps trying to grab at it (and I have an issue that makes it harder for him to latch as well).
So, I have turned into a bottle feeder. But, the bottle is breast milk. Which makes me feel like I'm in some strange middle group. People ask me if he is breast feed, and I say yes. But really, he is not fed at the breast. At least he is still getting all of the nutritional benefits, for the most part (I know that with pumping, its harder to get that 'hind milk' out of there). I have also encountered some breastfeeding women, who tell me I'm going about this wrong. That I should never give a bottle if I really want him to learn how to breastfeed. That I'm going to miss out on the bonding part. I know that the feeding is different, and the bonding part is different now. It really is a different feeling being able to nurse a baby then giving it a bottle. But, this is what works for us. It was too stressful for both of us....4 hours of trying to get a baby to eat, who doesn't want to try because he is so hungry that he is crying and grabbing at things and moving all around...and then me crying because hes so upset...doesn't help things. Each feeding was like this....of trying and trying and trying...then giving up and giving him a bottle I had already pumped. So, maybe I am taking the easy way out here...but there we have it.
I'm a bottle feeding breast milk mama...lol
There is so much discussion everywhere about formula feeding vs breastfeeding, but I had made up my mind while I was pregnant that I was going to give breastfeeding a try, as strange as I felt about it. I mean, when I found out I was pregnant and was still with my ex, I remember one of the first things he said was that we needed to start stocking up on formula. I had always associated babies with bottles, and breasts as nothing but sexual things. But, then I did a lot of learning about the benefits of breastfeeding...and about how it gives him a chance to be so much healthier. There were also those vain reasons to breastfeed...you loose about 500 calories a day, so it helps you loose weight faster.
So, I thought that my decision to breastfeed was going to be the only hard part. But, it turns out that Cole and I had issues with it. For his first 24 hours he wouldn't latch onto anything...not even a finger...so his feedings had to be out of a little medicine cup. I had lactation consultants in my room, squeezing my breasts in every single way possible to try to get colostrum out to feed him. It was pretty crazy...but since labor had been so recent I hadn't gained my modesty back yet...lol. But, then my swelling got worse...and I couldn't get anything out. I ended up having to swear this silicon thing over my breast, with a feeding tube in it, connected to a bulb seringe filled with formula. The formula made him gassy and unhappy...and I was really happy when after I got home my milk finally came in. He WANTS to nurse, but then gets frustrated. He never gets a'meal' that way...its more like snacking...and then its almost like hes just like 'I'm done with that! Time to give me food quicker!' Its also bordering on the impossible to keep the shield in place because he keeps trying to grab at it (and I have an issue that makes it harder for him to latch as well).
So, I have turned into a bottle feeder. But, the bottle is breast milk. Which makes me feel like I'm in some strange middle group. People ask me if he is breast feed, and I say yes. But really, he is not fed at the breast. At least he is still getting all of the nutritional benefits, for the most part (I know that with pumping, its harder to get that 'hind milk' out of there). I have also encountered some breastfeeding women, who tell me I'm going about this wrong. That I should never give a bottle if I really want him to learn how to breastfeed. That I'm going to miss out on the bonding part. I know that the feeding is different, and the bonding part is different now. It really is a different feeling being able to nurse a baby then giving it a bottle. But, this is what works for us. It was too stressful for both of us....4 hours of trying to get a baby to eat, who doesn't want to try because he is so hungry that he is crying and grabbing at things and moving all around...and then me crying because hes so upset...doesn't help things. Each feeding was like this....of trying and trying and trying...then giving up and giving him a bottle I had already pumped. So, maybe I am taking the easy way out here...but there we have it.
I'm a bottle feeding breast milk mama...lol
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Pregnant, then not!
Moving states away, back into your mother's house when you had first 'moved out' when you were 16 and were then 24, 4 months pregnant, with 13 cents to your name, doesn't feel much like 'starting over'. When you show early like I did, places didn't even want to look at your resume. The bill collectors wouldn't stop calling, and every 3 days I had to explain WHY I couldn't pay, and who had ran up my credit card in the first place. The next couple months were spent trying to get on public assistance for medical, food, and money. I never thought I would be one that ever had to use these things, I had never imagined how someone could have stolen such a huge quantity of money out from under me either though. Either way, the whole pregnancy just felt like life was on hold. (maybe because I was creating a different life inside of me? hehe). I knew I need to give birth first before looking for and finding a job. Same goes for getting in to see the neurologist to see what damage was does exactly to my head by my ex. Same goes for trying to figure out putting together a definitive diagnosis for my likely auto-immune disease. I knew life would start to continue again for me after my son was born...and I couldn't wait to not be pregnant anymore (I think that's also what was so hard about going overdue). At the same time, I didn't feel ready to be a mom. Even when I was finally in pitocin induced labor. I didn't know the first thing about taking care of a baby, or even changing a diaper. I felt pretty disconnected, and doubted I had any maternal instincts.
I quickly found out, that I wasn't waiting for my life to stop being 'on hold'...I was waiting for my life to change completely in the best way possible. I do have maternal instincts, and they kicked in, in high gear, within the first hour after his first breath. I can't imagine living without him. My friend Jen posted a quote a little while back on facebook, that my mom stole from her and now I am (lol)
"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." - Bhagwan Shree Rejneesh
Life has changed for the better, and its not about me anymore, its all about him. I hope that I can be the best mommy for him as I can, to get a job, to be able to support us, to do well enough to be able to move back out 'on my own'. I'm so happy he is here, and I hope hes happy to be here too:)
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