Its the end

Well, I think its the end of my 'breast feeding' days...and it has me pretty sad. Its gotten to a point where If I do continue..its going to get kind of crazy. With my last blog..I thought maybe he was doing well with it. My mom changed a diaper when she was watching him...and said it didn't look good. Then the next few were mucus. This is without dairy, or soy, or corn, or eggs, or tomatoes. Then, starting two days ago...a skin reaction started. I had read, that baby acne can be caused by a hormonal reaction, and also by a food reaction. Well, he had baby acne..and it went away. But now...he has spots all over his face and his chest. He even looked like for a few hours that he might have been getting a tiny case of hives. The next step would have been cutting out rice...if that didn't work...then wheat or gluten...and I have been going at this for what seems like so long. I hate the whole 'I tried, it didn't work' excuse. I know this is me being somewhat selfish. If only blood tests could be done to tell me exactly what he is allergic to, things could be different. I honestly believe that he is not allergic to everything...I think its just 2 or 3 things and I can't pin-point what they are. Its going to be crazy when he does start on solid food...because then he starts from HIS elimination diet (of Neocate Junior)...and I can try one thing at a time with him. It will be easy to tell what is causing him a reaction and what isn't.

I am still struggling with what I should eat though. Should I just keep the dairy and soy out of my diet, and the corn..just because of everything I have read and learned about how it can be bad for me? It was so much easier cutting these foods out when I was doing it for Cole. But for myself, letting these foods back in could mean I would start eating horribly again...not that I'm eating so great now anyways. I think I need to seriously think about what foods I should and shouldn't eat for myself though...and stick to a 'diet' that will be healthy for me. I need to loose this weight for my health...and I also need to do it for Cole. I remember when I was a kid, about how mean kids can be. He already is going to have to deal with the whole 'no father' part...I don't want him to have to deal with being embarrassed with the 'big mother' part too.

8 more pounds to go, until I can really start exercising...would have been there already if it wasn't for the two courses of steroids my body doesn't tolerate very well...

On a good note, yesterday Cole got his jumperoo! and he LOVES it! He is still too tiny to reach the floor...so he needs a pillow under there...but he loves to bounce. I got the precious planet blue sky jumperoo...and he keeps staring at this red and yellow ball on it...hehe. I also got my car. I like it in the white. I still need someone to help me out for a few minutes though, as I cannot judge the distance on the front of it. I went to park at wegmans yesterday to pick up my prescriptions...got out of the car...and saw I was 6 feet away from the car in front of me...lol. I am still totally terrified to drive though. When going down a main road..and cars are pulling up and stopping at stop signs..I keep thinking they are going to drive through them. I keep hearing the accident. Driving on the interstate is the only place I don't freak out. I think the other reason, is that in the Jeep I really had NO blind spots. I could see everything...and could completely trust my mirrors. Other cars don't have this luxury. I keep looking over my shoulder and the mirrors and still second guess myself.

Today, I am heading off to my grandparents on my fathers side. Maybe they will go baby crazy and I can take a nap...lol. For the past couple days Cole has been really fussy...and waking up every two hours. I'm exhausted.