I'm not ready to give up, but, I also think that I'm not ready to go forward for that much longer. Oh yea...and I'm talking about the breast milk here...lol.
So really, tonight I was in the kitchen, thinking about some foods that I miss...and thinking about what to eat...and was kind of having a back and forth in my head.
Should I eat peanut butter and jelly? Well, I have not eaten peanut butter in a few days...why not just cut it out completely? Theres another food to check off the list! So...I didn't make peanut butter and jelly. (I grabbed some frozen meat, and stuck it on the counter to thaw).
I have cut out tree nuts (the only tree nuts I had to begin with, were somehow included in my breathing medicine). Dairy has been out since forever it seems. Soy has been gone for a quite a while. Eggs almost just as long as the dairy has been. I only cut out corn for I think maybe 3 or 4 days...before I relized that he was not allergic to the Neocate Junior. But...in thinking about how corn is a common allergy...I just emailed Neocate to ask if it had 'corn protein' (if thats what one is allergic to in corn) in it or not. If its supposed to be ok for babies with corn allergies...I'm going to cut it out again. (minus the dairy free soy free butter....as its less than 2% corn oil in there).
What I am having such an issue with, it turns out, is tomatoes. And I really don't know of all things why that is. Maybe because with slowly limiting myself...each remaining food becomes increasingly more important. Maybe because its my last condiment? lol
I love spaggetti...I love ketchup. Those are the only two things I use tomatoes for. I can't even stand to eat them cold. But I honestly dread all of this other stuff not working...and having to take that step to cut out tomatoes. Cutting out wheat and all gluten would be a TON easier at the moment.
I am also still terribly confused about this little 'experiment' yesterday. I gave him mostly breast milk yesterday...and he had diarrhea three times yesterday, and twice today. The mucus was gone...but it was a lot of liquid. I went and looked up more info on lactase enzymes and side effects...and a side effect could be constipation...the total opposite...so maybe he had a little bug at the same time?
Ah this is so FRUSTRATING! Maybe this...maybe that...I just want to KNOW. Maybe his body needs a readjustment period to breast milk...maybe THATS the problem now. I feel like I have tried everything...adjusting my diet....worrying....and doing so much to still be giving him formula most of the time. I sit, and pump, and then don't know what to do with the milk. I have so much frozen milk that he is allergic to. Do I just keep marking and freezing?
I don't know if I am willing to take this as far as it may need to go...either. I saw a woman post on cafemom, that a friend or relative or something of hers, went months only consuming chicken and water. I don't think I can take it there....and I feel guilty for it....and just keep thinking that MAYBE...its only really one tiny little thing thats going on...maybe not allergic to things like dairy at all. Or, maybe I'm just starting to go into denial.
Maybe..maybe..maybe..
First off you have NO reason to feel guilty period. You have tried. That's more than some do and you've not only tried but you've obviously gone way above and beyond that. Switching is obviously not an easy decision for you, so if you decide to go there then its probably what's best in this particular situation.
ReplyDeleteThat being said lol. Why do you think he had diarrhea? Infant diarrhea = two things. Mucus and green. Liquid is normal. If its to the point of water coming out I would probably question it (more than probably lol) but still. Remember that formula poo is harder than BF because our milk does act as a type of laxative.
Anyways, *hugs*. You ARE doing a good job mama.
I was thinking liquid...because I was comparing it in my head to what his diapers looked like before he ever had any formula at all. They had kind of looked like cottage cheese? (oh man good thing i don't eat that stuff...haha). This time, with the drops, is was just kinda liquid...no little things in it at all. Just...yellow/brown liquid?
ReplyDeleteUggh, my comment deleted lol. My kids are normally more creamy than that, seeds but not chunks. Is it like yellow/brown water, that thin?
ReplyDelete